“They Say”

I’ve noticed something over the years.

In conversations with people…, smart people, thoughtful people…, there’s a phrase that shows up again and again.

You’ll hear someone speaking passionately about an idea.
An opinion.
A belief.
Something they’re clearly convinced about.

And when they go to ground the idea…
when they try to give it weight or legitimacy…
there’s a phrase that almost always shows up.

Not loudly.
Not dramatically.

Almost casually.

“They say…”

I’ve always found that fascinating.

The Car Ride

Years ago, I remember driving with my kids and getting (half-jokingly) irritated by it.
Every story, every opinion, every explanation seemed to trace back to they.

Finally, I said…, to everyone’s laughter:

“Who is they?
Where is they?”

One day, I told them, I’m going to be driving down the highway and I’ll see it.
A massive building.
Steel and glass.
And a sign out front that simply says:

THEY

And I’ll pull over and say,
“Finally. I found them.”

We laughed.

But I’ve thought about that moment a lot since.

“They say” is everywhere

“They say it’s not worth the risk.”
“They say you shouldn’t do that.”
“They say that’s just how it works.”
“They say that’s the smart move.”

And if you listen closely, what you’ll often find is this:

Strong confidence.
Weak ownership.

When you gently push…,
“Who’s they?”
“Based on what?”
“According to whom?”

The certainty starts to wobble.

What sounded like conviction was often just consensus.
Borrowed belief.
Secondhand certainty.

When Everyone Agrees

This is where things get dangerous, especially in leadership.

In corporate environments, consensus can feel comforting.
It feels safe.
It feels validating.
It feels like cover.

After all, if everyone agrees… how wrong could it be?

But some of the worst decisions I’ve ever seen didn’t come from malice or incompetence.

They came from rooms where:

• no one slowed the conversation down

• no one challenged the premise

• no one asked the uncomfortable follow-up

• no one wanted to be the outlier

“They say” became the decision.

And no one could quite remember who they were.

Verify, Verify, Verify

One of my greatest mentors once said something to me that I’ve carried ever since.

He said:

“Ed…, no matter who says it…
no matter how confident they sound…
no matter how senior they are…
Verify.
Verify.
Verify.”

Not because people are dishonest.

But because:

• assumptions creep in

• narratives get simplified

• incentives distort reality

• repetition starts to feel like truth

Leadership doesn’t mean distrusting people.

It means respecting the stakes enough to do your own thinking.

What Responsibility Teaches

As my responsibility grew, that mindset became non-negotiable.

Because when you lead:

• people don’t just follow your decisions

• they live with the consequences of them

“They say” isn’t good enough when careers, families, cultures, and futures are affected.

So I learned to slow things down.
To ask:

• “What do we actually know?”

• “What are we assuming?”

• “What haven’t we pressure-tested?”

• “What would change our mind?”

Not to be contrarian.
Not to sound smart.

But to be honest.

The Easier Way

This isn’t just about other people.

Every one of us…, myself included…, falls into this at times.

We’re busy.
We’re flooded with information.
We hear the same ideas repeated with confidence, from enough places, that they start to feel settled.

“They say” becomes a shortcut.
A stand-in for thinking.
A way to move on without slowing down.

And most of the time, it’s harmless.

Until it isn’t.

Because shortcuts in thinking have a way of showing up later…,
in decisions we didn’t examine closely enough,
in positions we never fully owned,
in outcomes we didn’t quite see coming.

When It Becomes “Yours”

So here’s the question I’ve learned to ask…, quietly, but deliberately.

Not just in leadership roles.
In life.

When I hear myself thinking or saying,

“They say…”

I stop and ask:

Is this actually something I believe?
Have I taken the time to understand it?
Would I be willing to put my name on it?

Because even if they say it…
leadership begins when it becomes something you say.

With Absolute Sincerity,

Ed Clementi
Founder & CEO of Inspired Fire, LLC

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