For 117 consecutive weeks, I have written to you and to them.

Every Sunday night.

About leadership. About careers. About life.

Today is Father's Day.

And in the days leading up to this one, I think about what I believe is the most important thing in this Life.

The Quiet That Comes

There is a quiet that comes over me in the week before Father's Day.

It isn't sadness exactly.

It's more like, stillness.

The kind where you stop moving long enough to look back.

And when I look back, I don't go straight to the wins. That's not where the mind takes you in the quiet. It takes you to the other places. The decisions you second-guessed. The moments you weren't fully present. The things you wish you'd said. The things you said that you wish you hadn't.

How am I doing.

How have I done.

Am I getting this right.

And I will tell you honestly, there is no title I have ever held, no room I have ever walked into, no achievement I have ever reached…

That carries the weight of that question.

Because this is the one thing. The one thing in this life where getting it wrong is not an option I am willing to accept.

The Post

A few weeks ago, a post came across my feed.

A post, from an “expert”.

The message was simple:

Doing too much for your kids is the single worst thing you can do for them.

Solving their problems. Stepping in. Being the one who says let me handle that, and meaning it every time.

You are crippling them. The science says so. Step back. Let them struggle. Let them fail alone. Or when life tests them, and it will, they will not know how to stand.

I won't pretend that didn't send me somewhere.

Because I know, that many times I am that parent.

I am the one who steps in. I am the one who shows up. I am the one who, if I'm being completely honest, has held on, maybe longer than I should have, to one very specific thing.

Being their hero.

You don't get many chances at that in this life.

But to your kids, those kids, from the time they are small and the world is enormous and you are everything…

You are the superhero.

And I have held onto that with everything I have.

Perhaps somewhat selfishly if I’m being completely honest.

So when the so-called expert suggests you have failed at your most important job…

I go somewhere dark.

The Turn

But here's what happened when I sat with it long enough.

Something shifted.

I started reflecting.

Really reflecting on how they are showing up each day.

Because the kids are older now. The oldest ones don't need me the way they used to. And in the last year or two, if I'm paying attention, and I am, I can feel something moving in real time.

They're the ones planning my birthday now.

They make the reservation. They think ahead. They coordinate. They show up, and not because I asked them to, but because somewhere along the way, caring became who they are.

And after the chills of pride started to subside…, I thought…

When did that happen.

And then, slowly, the way real things always arrive…

I started to remember.

The offhand comment one of them made about something I did years ago. A moment I had completely forgotten. Filed away in their memory like it mattered.

Because to them, it did.

And so it seems they’ve been paying attention.

They were watching the late nights.

They were watching the way I handled the hard conversation. The way I pushed back when I had to. The way I leaned back when that was harder. The way I got back up after the times I fell.

They were watching the small things too. The way I held the door for someone who would never know my name. The way I washed the dishes long after the house had gone to sleep.

They were watching me do the work no one asked me to do.

And they filed it away.

What I Know For Sure

They have wonderful hearts.

They care. They consider. They are thoughtful in ways that catch me off guard and fill me completely.

And yes, I don't know if I hit every mark the experts say I should have hit. I'm certain I didn't.

But here is what I do believe.

They watched.

And what they watched…

Was a man who loves them more than he loves anything.

Who showed up imperfectly and completely. Who worked hard and fell down and got back up and never, not once, stopped believing that they were the whole point.

That is what they saw. That is what they see.

That is what they know.

Even when they don't show it…, I believe they know.

I have spent years writing about leadership, about what the very best of it looks like. And here is the truest thing I know.

The best of it is what they see you do when no one is keeping score. And it never begins in the office. It begins at home.

For Every Parent Today

If you spent this week the way I spend this week.

Turning it over. Wondering. Worrying. Hoping the love was enough.

I want to say something to you directly.

If you showed up with a full heart. Every day. Even the hard ones. Even when you were running on empty and still found something left to give.

You did great.

The confidence you hope they carry, they learned it somewhere.

The way they treat people, they saw that first at your table.

The sense of right and wrong, the courage to stand for themselves, the knowledge, deep and unshakeable, that they are loved beyond anything this world can measure.

That came from you.

You were their first example of what it looks like to keep going.

It turns out…, they were always watching.

It was simpler than I thought.

Love them fully. Show up completely. Live in a way worth watching.

The rest…

They figure out.

Because that's what we raised them to do.

Happy Father's Day.

To all the superheroes out there.

P.S. if you enjoyed this article, you might enjoy last year’s article “For As Long As My Fire Burns: A Father’s Day Letter to My Children”.

With Absolute Sincerity,

Ed Clementi,
Founder & CEO of Inspired Fire, LLC

Make an Impact and Feel an Impact!